who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
