So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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