i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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