I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
