i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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