After last night, I could never be a politician.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
