508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
