We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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