we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize