I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
