If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
