I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
