it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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