Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
