You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
