If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
