i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize