oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
