i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize