Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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