ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
