My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
