he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
