i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
