My first STD was from a foam party
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize