What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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