I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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