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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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