I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
