i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
