Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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