if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize