just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think your dad took our porno
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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