I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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