i need an iv and a liver transplant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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