Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
