Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
