Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
