I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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