thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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