Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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