like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
