You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
