No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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