Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize