we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
