now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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