I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
