I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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