Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
