so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
too bad you live with your parents still
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i drank out of a bidet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize