His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
