I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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