Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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