Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
