Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
