Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
