bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
