the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
