why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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