I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
