I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
