Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
