Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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