whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
