she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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