some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
