i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
