he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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