I must be too annoying 4 u.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize