we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
