In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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