She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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