you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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