did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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