Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think my fart just growled at me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Houston, we have a blender
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
