Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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